Pinto Experiences the Giggle LoopPairing:
Chris Pine/Zachary QuintoRating:
R (at least)Summary:
Prompt from trek_rpf_kink
: "Chris/Zach; they keep trying to make each other laugh during sex as a challenge/rivalry sort of thing, mostly through the use of awesomely cheesy porno dialogue such as 'I'm going to put my hot dog in your bun,' etc."Words:
We only wish this had happened.Notes: This prompt meme
is hereby officially eating the rest of my life. Thank you. My life? Now = over. There is nothing left but porn. NOTHING. ONLY PORN. Also please note: I did look up the spelling of Pixy Stix for this.Pinto Experiences the Giggle Loop
Zach dragged Chris into the room and pushed him up against the wall, slamming the door behind them. He kissed Chris hungrily, and Chris responded, their tongues sliding against each other while their breath mingled... Zach broke away to dive in and nuzzle Chris's throat. Chris, catching his breath, said, "Wow, door-slamming. That's an... anomaly." He lovingly glided over each syllable of the word.
Zach snorted against Chris's neck and gave him a quick bite. "Shush, you. Don't make me laugh. Sex is serious business."
Chris pinched Zach in a nerve cluster along the side of his belly, and Zach jumped, ticklish. "Oh please. Sex is ridiculous. Haven't you ever watched porn?"
"Arrrrgh." Zach took Chris's head in his hands and pressed their foreheads together, forcing Chris's head to lightly bump the wall.
"No, I do not make a practice of watching porn. The writing in those things kills brain cells."
Chris lifted his eyebrows once, smirking. "That means you've watched it before." He ran his hands up Zach's chest, running them up and around to tug at the dark scruff on the back of the other man's neck, massaging, teasing. Zach groaned. Chris said, his voice oddly flat of any inflection, "I want to fuck you, baby. I want to fuck you... like a thing... a thing that wants to fuck you."
Mid-groan, Zach suddenly dissolved into laughter. "What the... what?"
Chris put on his best fake Austrian male model voice and said, "My wanting is for your massive manhood!"
Zach laughed harder through gritted teeth, and pulled Chris's hair again, and then mock-strangled him. Chris started giggling, too. Zach growled, "What is WITH you tonight?"
"I don't even know, man! I'm just... high, I think." Chris leaned forward and laid a kiss on Zach's mouth, gently sucking on those luscious lips before letting go. "You always get so serious during sex. I hate it that I can't see your smile. Do you have any idea how much that pisses me off? Your smile is what made me want to fuck you in the first place."
In response to that, Zach not only smiled, but blushed as well. "It seems like a hell of a time to bring it up," he pressed his erection into Chris's thigh and purred, "Cockmuffin."
Chris's laugh rang out loudly and he moved in for another kiss, but it was somewhat unsuccessful, because both of them kept breaking down into giggles, their lips unable to keep a purchase. "See?" He ran his thumb over one of Zach's cheekbones. "Your face does amazing things when you smile. It makes me want to..." he moved in, whispering in Zach's ear, "Put my manly meatbong into your faaaaaaace..."
They both broke down, practically falling down the wall with laughter, Zach gasping for breath and Chris still watching him, enjoying the effect. Zach managed to keep from landing on his ass, and captured the front of Chris's shirt in a double-fisted grab. "Come HERE. If you're going to incapacitate me with your fleshpipe, I'm moving us to the bed." He dragged Chris with him across the room.
Chris willingly allowed himself to be dragged. "Ooo, you're so strong! I am like a wilting flower petal in your hot, stinky hands!"
Zach all but threw him onto the bed, glaring, but completely unable to keep his face straight. With a herculean effort -- drawing upon all of his training -- he put on a serious face, lifted himself up on his knees, spine admirably straight, and raised an eyebrow. "Steel yourself, little flower petal man. I am about to deflower THE BLOSSOM OF YOUR ANUS."
Chris stared back at him and let out a mock scream of pure terror. "AAAAAAAACK! NOOOOOO! I'M SAVING MY ANUS BLOSSOM FOR MY HUSBAND!" Zach completely lost it and fell on top of him, howling with laughter. Chris continued wailing. "My blossom is sweet! My blossom is pure! It..." he started laughing mid-word, helplessly flapping his arms around Zach, who was putting all of his weight on Chris's body. "Wait, dude, my blossom is strangling because you're heavy as shit!" Chris pushed Zach over, and Zach pliantly let himself be rolled to the side, his face red with laughter.
Chris sat up and pulled his shirt off with one smooth motion. He reached down and started to unbutton Zach's shirt. Zach didn't resist, but shook his head ruefully. "Rendering me unable to breathe isn't exactly an intelligent seduction technique, Chris."
Chris said, matter-of-factly, "Oh, I'm sure my steam-powered love truncheon can take care of that." Zach doubled up again, and Chris lost his access to the buttons. "Hey, keep still, stud-plushie! We have yet to commence the ramming like wild things. We're going to ram, baby, fast and hard and wild, like... like..."
"Like mountain goats on Pixy Stix!" Zach gasped out.
"Exactly!" Chris fell over, laughing. "EXACTLY LIKE... fuck, dude, mountain goats on Pixy Stix?!
Zach reached over and pinned Chris into the pillow, then pulled him close in a strangling hug. "AAAAARRRGH. Do you have any idea how much I hate you?" He bit Chris's shoulder, gnawing on it cartoonishly and growling, and then drew back and laid several rough kisses on Chris's reddened face.
Chris, tears streaming down his cheeks, said, "Oh, man. You just hate me because I'm giggle-blocking your milky man fountain."
"Oh my god, STOP!" Zach put his hand over Chris's mouth, but those blue eyes were still dancing with laughter. "Jesus! Even your eyes are making filthy jokes at me!" Chris made several speaking noises against Zach's hand and Zach growled at him again. "No. No more. Seriously. I think I'm going to throw up if you keep going, and if that happens, you never get juicy cock-squeezings again." He lost his grip as they both started laughing again.
Chris started coughing violently, and Zach stopped laughing, concerned. "You okay? Raise your arms... here..." Chris, his face still red and smiling, shook his head to indicate that he was alright, but still lifted his arms obediently, and his cough eased. He melted back against Zach, the two of them smiling, Zach rolling his eyes occasionally, and both of them still stifling giggles.
Chris turned to look at Zach. Chris's eyes were red and damp with tears of laughter, and Zach's eyes were creased, his mouth still twitching. Chris said, "I love you so much."
Zach sobered a little, still smiling. "I love you too, you prize-winning dorknad." Chris only chuckled a little bit as Zach began to struggle out of his shirt, and decided that was enough joking around for one night.